I hate local councils. Robbing bastards. At the moment Im aggrieved because this year Ive been forced by Barnsley Metropolitan Borough Council to pay for new turf to three count em three five aside football pitches in Worsborough. I’ve forked out for a skate park in Grimethorpe. Dug elbow-deep into my apparently depthless pockets and stumped up the cash to fund a resource centre for alcoholics in Athersley. Paid the rent for five thousand job shirkers throughout the borough. And no doubt before the financial year draws to a close I’ll be handing over my hard earned money for dinghies in Low Valley and Cliffe Road at Darfield in order to give past and potential flood victims an alternative mode of transport. Bloody speedboats probably. Do the worthies up at the Town Hall think I’m made of money? How much of it is going on Brasso for the Mayoral bling? And what do I get in return? My maggoty bins emptied once a fortnight. A broken streetlight. Some grit when its minus 10. And now the Council is proposing a 3.9% rise in my tax. Ive read the leaflet that came with the letter. They reckon I can afford it. And its all worthwhile. Im pitching in the extra wedge for the needle exchange and some new posters about littering.
Thanks a lot, BMBC. Twats.
Another thing that really and deeply pisses me off about local councils shamefully, hospitals are in on this one as well are parking fees in municipal car parks. Its not that Im opposed to paying a fee, its more the way that the council stage that fee. Because it’s always 1 hour for £1.10 or £1.20, 2 hours for £2.10 or £2.20, or some similar sum. NEVER an equal figure. NEVER 1 hour for £1.00, 2 hours for £2.00 or such like. And the machines NEVER EVER EVER give change. I mean, the one in Grahams Orchard in Barnsley now SPEAKS. Talks to you. A honeyd voiced female croaks from inside the machine, tells you to stow away your valuables and enjoy your time in the town. But the smug fucker doesnt give you change back, does she? Crafty, sneaking, devious, deceitful bastard.
So, has some accounts boffin housed deep in a windowless office in the bowels of Barnsley Town Hall worked out using a calculator and several pieces of scrap paper, some long division and a devious use of pi that the maintenance cost on a car parking space at Graham’s Orchard car park in Barnsley town centre breaks down to exactly 109.76 pence per hour? Taking into consideration the upgrade needed on the bay markings each year, refuse collection from the litter bins, wages for the parking enforcement robot who scrutinizes the windscreen for a sticker/disabled permit, CCTV coverage…? No. Not at all. Basically the scamming buggers are playing on the fact that most people don’t carry bags of shrapnel about with them. You park up… You search your pockets… You don’t have any 10 pence or 20 pence pieces. Just pound coins. You’re running late… Bugger. So you put £2 in the machine or perhaps you’re lucky and have a 50 pence piece so drop £1.50 into the box. The sticker delights in telling you: ‘This machine does not give change. Please use correct fee.’ What?! No change?! NO CHANGE?! NO BLOODY CHANGE?!!! Are you telling me that in this day and age of technology when we can supposedly put men on the Moon and construct artificial pets that run on two Duracell batteries Barnsley Metropolitan Borough Council can’t get parking ticket machines that are capable of spitting out the change for two £1 coins?! Bollocks. It’s no wonder the Mayor can fork out for a private registration plate for his shiny petrol-guzzling black saloon. Whats it to him if he has to shake a few leprous hands down at the ‘Barnsley Rough Sleepers’ Hostel’. Have his gibbon grin all over the Barnsley Chronicle as he hugs rescued donkeys and plays charity cricket with limping OAPs. Opens the new single mothers’ drop-in centre and licensed bar that I bloody paid for!!! He’s raking it in!!! For a start this afternoon he’s just had 90p off me for officially doing NOWT!!!