Fingers crossed…

Dear Baby Cow Productions,

Having been a big fan of Saxondale (third series?) and Gavin & Stacey I’ve got an idea for a sitcom I’d like to run past you. I envisage a six episode thirty minute format run. It’s about Brian and Tony two gay dentists living and working in Rotherham, South Yorkshire called THE TOOTH FAIRIES. Timothy Biggins (hot on the heels of his jungle celebrity win) would be ideal for Tony with perhaps Ross Kemp going against stereotype in the role of Brian.

Here’s a dialogue taster for you:

SCENE, CONSULTING ROOM. TONY HAS JUST FINISHED WITH A PATIENT WHO IS STILL RECLINED IN THE DENTAL CHAIR.

TONY [PULLING OFF LATEX GLOVES]: ‘OOH, THAT WAS A NASTY ERUPTION YOU HAD THERE, MR PEACE. GOOD JOB YOU’VE GOT NO GAG REFLEX, I HAD TO FORCE MYSELF RIGHT TO THE BACK OF YOUR THROAT!’

MR PEACE, EYES WIDE AND LOOKING NERVOUS, MUMBLES SOMETHING INCOHERENT AS HE RINSES WITH MOUTH WASH.

TONY: ‘LOVELY, DEAR, JOB DONE. NOW SPIT!

CUE LAUGHTER.

Let me know what you think. Having been clouted ’round the back of the head with inspiration I’m banging out the first full episode this afternoon. Working title: ‘DRILLING FOR ROOT’.

I think we’ve got a winner on our hands.

Best wishes.

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2 comments

  1. GSmudger · September 24, 2008

    Did Peaco ever pitch ‘I’m a Celebrity It Ain’t Half Hot Mum’ to you? We saw an exciting opporunity to bring the foetid and frightening realities of the Chindit Trail to the generation who think Denge Fever was invented by John Travolta.

    Just imagine these nuggets delivered in an unnecessarily clotted Geordie accent:
    “Can Private Stevens stop shaking for long enough to defuse this trip mine?”
    “Graham Norton regrets his choice of pink catsuit as exotic men start probing his secret foxhole with their filthy bayonets.”
    “In a scene of impossible heroism, Nookie Bear crawls for help while Roger De Courcey uses both hands to clear a stoppage in his bren gun.”
    “A bid to improve morale backfires catastrophically when Jim Bowen takes to the stage.”
    “As Jade Goody is felled by a sniper’s bullet, the platoon learns a valuable lesson about attention-seeking behaviour.”

    Like

  2. guinnessorig · September 25, 2008

    I always think ‘I’m a celebrity, get me out of here…’ would be livened up if some Royal Marines, outdong their jungle training, six weeks in, down to last rations, sex-starved with balls the size of spacehoppers, stumbled into the camp, unawares it was all going out on live TV. Communications go down. The celebrities can’t be reached. The next few hours would make superb viewing. Una Stubbs violated by Tonker and Jimmy Mac (the units obligatory Scot), Dale Winton force to cage fight Timmy Mallett to the death at gun point by Yorkshire Dave while the rest of the platoon take bets, before all the celebrities are butchered and eaten. Liza Goddard’s head on the end of an MP5, the unit head back into the jungle.

    Like

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