Bab’s wabs

English Heritage have agreed a £50,000 restoration programme for popular cockney actress Barbara Windsor’s boobs. Windsor’s classic and traditionally English pink-nippled, big and bouncy breasts, a national treasure since their first unfettered appearance in British 60s comedy film Carry on Camping, have showed wear of late according to some critics, and the restoration programme aims to preserve the celebrity briskets for the benefit of the nation. The deal, which will see both chubblies brought back to full British standards and wobbling like jelly on a plate, was sealed after public visiting rights to the refurbished mammaries was agreed by Windsor and her agent, former 60s London Gangster, Joey ‘No-Knuckles’ McMalone, and upper class negotiators from English Heritage over a fish and chip supper in the Blind Beggar public house, Streatham. Already propped up and undergoing basic structural work, the first trippers are expected to admire the completely restored fulsome handful by October 2008.

Windsor, who played chirpy Queen Vic landlady Peggy Mitchell in the BBC’s Eastenders soap opera, declared herself to be chuffed by the deal, tittering, ‘It’s a little bit cheeky, darling, but all educational!’ An excited Griff Rhys Jones, presenter of BBC’s Restoration programme, who visited the derelict and storm-damaged breasts in 2004 said: ‘I can’t wait to get my hands on them.’




  1. technomist · October 15, 2008

    The Blind Beggar has gone South of the River? The Krays will be turning in their graves.


  2. guinnessorig · October 15, 2008

    Junction of Baldry Gardens and Braxted Park. They do a nice lunch. Peter Gilmore from ‘The Onedin Line’ lives somewhere nearby. He’s often in there on afternoons doing his Sudoku. Friendly with autograph hunters. Karaoke is Thursday nights.


  3. technomist · October 15, 2008

    337 Whitechapel Road. Ronnie Kray shot and killed George Cornell in the Blind Beggar in Whitechapel on 9 March 1966.


    • guinnessorig · October 16, 2008

      Different pub all together. I had the same problem with my brother when I arranged to meet him at the King’s Head for a swift one after work. Both sat there, both with pints in, a bag of Seabrooks’ ready salted, 50p on the pool table for the next game. Both in the King’s Head. Him in Barnsley, me in Sheffield! You can imagine! Apparently there’s more than one King’s Head in the UK. School boy error. Must be same with the Beggar. Just to clarify – Bab’s and her posse favour the Blind Beggar, Streatham. Half of IPA, if you’re buying. But brace yourself for ‘I said to Sid James, Sid James said to me…’


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