Did you know…?

The sound of a sneeze is as unique as a fingerprint. Its rhythm and timbre are exclusive to the person generating it. The tonal note it produces cannot be faked or imitated. It is oral DNA. A signature sound.

 

In Palo Alto, California in 2003 a thief was arrested, charged and convicted based on the oral fingerprint of his sneeze recorded by a quick-witted employee during a bungled robbery. Sergio Rodriguez, 23, had been suffering from a head cold when he attempted to hold up a small graphics design and printing shop on Carlos Santana Boulevard. He sneezed repeatedly whilst making demands for cash and valuables to trembling, terrified staff. Skip Ruggwelter of the PAPD said: ‘This guy thought he could hide his face, he thought he could mask his fingerprints, he thought he could conceal his DNA. He forgot our developments in sternutation identification technology. We whipped his ass.’ Rodriguez was arrested after the recording of his sneeze was broadcast on local TV and radio stations.

 

A sneeze is exceptional. A sneeze is exclusive. The sound of a fart is universal.

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2 comments

  1. GSmudger · March 25, 2009

    The sound of a fart may be universally funny, but I think you underestimate the sphincter’s expressive range at your peril. As a long-term user of opiates, spicy food and wheat-based carbs, I can attest to the raw emotional honesty of the lower intestine, the currents of sturm and drang churning beneath the timpanic beergut, the piquant reek that brings the heart to the mouth and tears to the eyes. I’d rather see an artiste du vent on Britain’s Got Talent instead of body-popping non-entities and dog-abusers. Bring back Variety.

    Like

  2. Bootneck · March 28, 2009

    Let’s not forget, that a sneeze is apparently a tenth of an orgasm. If he’s sneezed repeatedly, as reported, then ten tenths make a whole.

    The Cops should have just mopped up the puddle of spunk off the floor and got his DNA, it’d have been a lot easier.

    Like

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