Domestic tip

Having accidentally run out of toilet roll this morning, I’m now considering the merits of using Tesco’s Value kitchen roll as a full time alternative. OK, there are no puppies on the roll and it doesn’t come in subtle pastel shades. However, it seems to offer the following advantages: (1) It’s cheaper. (2) It has no real difference in softness. (3) Judicious folding means you can get a fair bit of mileage out of one square. (4) It’s thickness almost guarantees that I’m not going to subject myself to my usual sudden autounerotic fisting.

Watch this space. Before long perfect housewife Anthea Turner will be singing its praises. You heard it here first.

* * * * * * *

On the subject of Anthea Turner…

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One comment

  1. deleted user · June 14, 2009

    “It has no real difference in softness?” What the f**k? I’ve previously used the stuff to clean tar spots off the side of my Astra, without any noticeable degrading of the material. Sounds like a little more forward planning is required on the domestic front Guinness.
    Reminds me of when I lived in the barrack block and had to resort to using a roll of kim wipe to spruce up the old trap door. Apparently the industrial variety actually contains microscopic particles of fibreglass. In the words of Tommy Saxondale, “Like taking a cheese grater to a bullet wound”. Somewhere at an RAF base in deepest Suffolk, they still have the scratch marks down the back of the toilet door.
    Happy days.

    Like

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