Scary Monsters

Carbon Big Foot

I was in the lavs at the Stairfoot Tesco last week and saw the poster above the hand drier about reducing the carbon footprint by having you leave the toilets with your hands still wet. Putting aside this worthy effort to save the world, what amazed me was the size of the footprint by young Daniel, 4 years, on the poster. Look at it next to my shoe, it’s bloody huge! FOUR YEARS! FOUR!!!  He’s a young giant. I blame people wanting Tesco’s organic range to last more than a week for freaks of nature like this. I bet they’re blasting those cabbages and turnips with some seriously hefty radiation just to add another couple of days to their shelf life. Pumping Gamma rays into the Brussel sprouts and drenching parsnips in military grade Plutonium. That’s how Spiderman and the Hulk got started. Be warned. I propose we cull young Danny while he’s still under seven foot and hasn’t grown extra arms. Before it’s too late. Before he destroys New York.

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4 comments

  1. Rose Hodges · September 22, 2010

    It’s very rare that you find the relevant information on the net but your article did provide me the relevant information. I am going to save your URL and will definitely visit the site again.

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    • Pierre Le Boule · October 10, 2010

      Don’t listen to Rose. The harpy bitch! She supposedly wrote my college Geography paper. It was shit and seemed to be more about Home Economics. It had fuck all in it about GDP and continental drift but a great receipe for Waffles. Don’t trust them with your future. Unless you want to be the next Jamie Oliver. Bastards.

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  2. deleted user · September 22, 2010

    Word on the street is that you’ve been spending quite a bit of time in toilets recently Guinness, although the ones on Churchfield were mentioned, rather than Stairfoot.

    No doubt doing a George Michael and repeatedly driving your Range Rover into Snappy Snaps, to strain a euphemism to breaking point.

    Incidently, either Rose’s contribution is spam or they are setting some very odd questions on term papers these days. It must have been a slack day in the “termpaper” office. Exactly what relevant information was she searching for?

    Question: If Tesco sell five organic cabbages at £1.50 each, exactly how many will Jack have to eat before his testosterone goes into overdrive and he sprouts an adam’s apple the size of the Isle of Wight?

    How about this one. A detective constable is asked to carry out surveillance of a well known homosexual cottaging site. How long before he fills in his overtime form? Discuss….

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