You’re not singing any more

Escape to Victory or The Idi Amin All Stars?

 

Apparently, when he retires from politics (in about four years) Prime Minister David ‘Big Society’ Cameron has said he would like to try his hand at football refereeing. However, he apparently wants to bring something new to the role of the man in black based on his time in Downing Street. Ordinary Dave’s plan is to pick which team he wants to win at the start of the match and then send off, trip up, allow to be fouled and generally disregard all appeals from the opposing side and generally ensure victory for his favoured team. William ‘Who Dares Wins’ Hague and Uncle Nick are going to be the linesmen.

 

They think it’s all over… It is now… The SAS have just garrotted the Libyan goalkeeper while the RAF strafe the midfield with Eurofighter Typhoons firing Paveway bombs…

 

Come on, you red black and greens!

 

It’s all gone quiet over there! Yes it’s all gone quiet over there! Yes it’s all gone quiet, all gone quiet, it’s all gone quiet over there!

Bewildered enthusiasm

Craig Campbell – Death of a badger DVD

After catching Craig supporting Frankie Boyle on Boyle’s 2010 tour, I would happily punch every one of you in the face, as promised by Frankie in his programme that Craig would be ‘touring your shit town next year’, I saw Craig on his own live tour at the Barnsley Civic this March. Two hours of all enveloping stand up where he had hold of the audience from the start. For me, it’s Craig’s fascination with the world around him that fuels his comedy and why I find him a delight to watch. I love the way he combines a story with exaggerated double takes that twist the tale and pull you into his bemused consciousness. Get a chocolate out of the calendar, you’re celebrating today. Buy this DVD, join his facebook page and follow him on www.moosefucker.com. If only his thoughts on Tilikum the serial killing killer whale were on here it would be complete. He’d already killed in Canada, so he’d shown that he didn’t like us… Now, this is a creature with very sensitive hearing that operates sonar navigation… so they transport it all the way across the continent to Florida… IN A PLANE… AT THIRTY-SIX THOUSAND FEET… ARRRRRRRRRRGGHHHHHHH… ARRRRRRRRRRGGHHHHHHH… MY EARS!!! MY EARS!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGHHHHHHH!!!!! WHEN I GET DOWN I’M GOING TO KILL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!! Brilliant. Though, I have to say, I wasn’t quite sure about the ‘Craig’s journey’ extra (a film of Craig’s motorbike ride to the gig, but without any commentary apart from the rushing wind). And watch that undertaking, Craig. As well as suicidal badgers. And keep fucking those moose… es… eese… s…