Things I hate #28

Christmas shoppers. Or specifically panic buying, over-consuming Christmas shoppers. What is wrong with these people? Fair enough, you buy your presents and get some goodies in to devour while you watch Zulu and The Great Escape, crammed with sugar and the always delicious saturated fat and all that. But over the festive season do you know how many days the ASDA and Tesco and all the other big supermarkets were shut for? One day. ONE DAY. They closed the doors last thing on Christmas Eve and, shaking off their hangover, opened them again on Boxing Day. In that time did the millions of people who were shuffling around the aisles really think they were going to need their own body weight in chocolate oranges or enough Navy Rum to ration the entire Imperial Fleet. It’s fucking crazy. They’re fucking crazy. You see them sweeping hundreds of bags of crisps from the shelves and into their second full trolley. ‘Quick, Muriel, grab ten boxes of those After Eights! You never know!’ ‘Come on, Colin, we need another fifteen bottles of Crisp & Dry to see us through!’ Never ever EVER under estimate the bovine stupidity of the mob. Hoards of sheep following the latest shallow fad (e.g. The X-Factor, any annoying twat made famous by being featured in a reality TV programme, Kate/Pippa Middleton etc etc e-fucking-tc) and packs of wolves baying for blood at the newest mis-reported atrocity (take your pick). They’re all out there. And it doesn’t get any better when the shops FINALLY reopen. Because then there’s the bastard sales. I went to put some petrol in my car at the Stairfoot Tesco on the 27th December. I thought a meteor had come down and we were all heading for the Pennines to get out of the way of the Tsunami that was rolling in from the North Sea. That it was the day after tomorrow. It was bumper to bumper. It took twenty minutes to get through the queue – a distance of something like three hundred yards. All because chocolate Father Christmassssss were now three for two and someone’s told them that Tesco are about to run out of novelty Rudolf slippers. Because, obviously, the fuckers had run out of everything in the twenty-four fucking hours the supermarket had been closed. Is it a day out for them or something? Stuck in traffic for hours before jostling around the shops to buy crap that they don’t need because someone already felt obliged to buy them it for Christmas just because it’s cheaper than it was two days ago? What a set of thoughtless, dullard,  wankers.

Bah humbug.