Things I hate #29

Spouts. I fucking hate them. They are shit. Absolutely fucking useless. I have never used one without getting whatever I was pouring everywhere. And kettle spouts are particularly wank – why does the water explode off the spout when you try to pour it carefully? I’ve hated them for as long as I can remember. No matter how slowly I tilt the pot, angle the Pyrex measuring jug, the can of 5W30 synthetic lubricant or tip the kettle – the liquid, whether it be milk, water, engine oil, or edible chocolate body paint, clings to the utensil and runs straight down in the opposite direction to where I want it to go.

What are contemporary designers and engineers doing about it? Fuck all, it seems. Joseph Conrad keeps redesigning the chair without any real noticeable difference in comfort or practicality and James Dyson doesn’t know when a job is done and won’t stop tinkering with bloody vacuum cleaners (let it lie, James). And as far as I’m aware Sir Norman Foster has done bugger all about the problem. Somebody somewhere needs to have a word with the Society of Engineers and get them to pull their fingers out. They’re letting us all down. To quote Edward VIII, ‘something must be done.’