Things I hate #31

‘”Beauty is truth, truth beauty,” – that is all / Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know…’

So wrote John Keats (‘Ode on a Grecian Urn’, 1819). So, bearing that in mind, what the fuck are bolster pillows and bed runners all about? Bed runners, for those who don’t know, are those thinnish strips of material (usually a contrasting colour to the rest of the bedding) that lunatics decorate beds with for no apparent practical purpose. Whoever got any warmth out of a bed runner? And as for bolster pillows (often circular, narrow and long – a bit like a sausage), I can live with these – except when they have decorative sequins/buttons/beads etc sewn onto their covers, or their covers are made out of some rough patterned material that’s like placing your face next to a wall covered in Anaglypta/flock wallpaper. Because all that shit it going to make them really comfortable, isn’t it? FFS!!! Get them off the fucking bed!

Neither serve any useful (truth) purpose, and as such cannot be held (by Keats’ standard) to be beautiful – so they don’t even have any real aesthetic claim. Get rid.

Hotels and B&Bs are bloody obsessed with them. My advice: Never ever ever sleep with either anywhere near you, because I can guarantee you this – they’ve spent most of their time on the floor on the manky carpets. And, believe me, a £40 a night Premier Inn and the like – you don’t want to run any UV lights over anything that can’t be put in a washing machine.

Avoid both like the syphilitic spores that are most likely encrusted into them.


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